Who is this woman?

She is Ms. Rachel E. Milano, Thriving Survivor of Child/Adult Abuse and Neglect .... "I'm still here... and so are you!"

My Bloggings

Audio Message

Am I Crossing The Line?Someone recently replied the blog entitled When Victim Becomes Abuser. Here is the person's question: "It was really helpful. But how do we determine if we are one of those?" I'd like to answer in hopes that anyone else who may have the same question running through their minds may also gain. Please remember, I give one hour talks on these issues so I'll try to be as brief as possible here... bear with me.

Many of you know me by now, I speak sometimes frankly and sometimes raw, this time both. How do we determine if we are one of those? "The evidence is ALWAYS in the shit!" Remember this one phrase of mine and you will always be able to determine one thing from another. Pay attention to consequences, end results. Diarrhea will NEVER look like constipation... in the same way, destruction never looks like construction... you follow? Even though they do not look the same... WHAT IS THE INTENT AND PURPOSE? Is the intent and purpose evident in the outcome? Keep in mind that some people destroy for the purpose and intent on rebuilding and that is constructive IF the rebuilding is for positive or constructive use, just as diarrhea is a means of ridding the body of sickness... the OUT COME then CAN BE positive... if the sickness is not permitted to reenter the body then you are well again, however, if the sickness reenters the body you will have diarrhea again and if this persists, you may die... for you, this would not be constructive. NOW... let me apply this train of though to another applicable visual.

Rape and making love: AGAIN... look for the evidence in the shit. Rape is violating, painful, disgraceful, humiliating, shameful... etc. These all are actively negative descriptions of Rape. Making Love is embracing, fulfilling, gratifying, sensational, desirable, rewarding, enhancing... etc. These are actively positive descriptions. However, just as diarrhea and constipation are both shit... Rape and making love are both acts of sex. One committed by your lover and the other by a sex offender. Both lover and sex offender share some common descriptions as well... passionate, penetrating, deliberate, intimate, physically orgasmic, stimulating... etc. Now while these acts share terms, the shared terms have different meanings based on intent and purpose, thus... the evidence in the shit.

So, the point is, seeing shit is not the evidence, seeing what is in the shit and identifying the origin of that shit...ie: intent and purpose... and witnessing or preventing the predictable end results will always enable you to know when someone has or can cross any particular line.

When determining if a victim is crossing the line to becoming a victim abuser, look at the evidence in the shit. What do you look for if not diarrhea and constipation? NORMAL, EVERYDAY SHIT... not to be mistaken for chronic diarrhea or chronic constipation as "normal for me"... that's crap! Look for balance and in balance, even shit comes with it's random occurrences of diarrhea and constipation; especially with change of routine, diet, medication, etc. just like LIFE.

Diarrhea and constipation are extremes... BOTH are opposite of NORMAL... "normal" will be productive, constructive, routine and non LIFE threatening. When I refer to LIFE I refer to body, mind, and soul... this is one's LIFE and should not be threatened with being destroyed (physically, mentally or emotionally) by the ill intent of negative traumatic experiences.

A victim becomes a victim of negative traumatic experiences when their LIFE is threatened. A victim becomes an offender or victim abuser when they threaten another person's LIFE. In more cases than not, victims who fail to recover become LIFE threatening to either themselves, those around them or both. Follow the shit.

The best thing I can tell you when trying to assess this in yourself, is to look at your experiences (those committed by you upon others as well as yourself and those committed by others upon you) with a naked eye... not dressed in terms of "yeah but"... don't try to excuse, validate or invalidate the things said/done to you or said/done by you, doing so will yield a false positive result... for a moment in time, look at the shit as though you don't know who's shit you are looking at... then... identify/weight/evluate it... what does it look like? Ask yourself, was it LIFE threatening, was it extreme, was it's intent for constructive good or for destructive ill intent? Answer, naked (truthful), conscious and deliberately.

Remember, it is ok to dwell on fractions of the past for the intent of making you WELL!

In all you do, be well...
Ms. Rachel E. Milano
"There are no dead ends, only detours and some are not so scenic."... Ms. Milano
What Man Determines Right and Wrong?

Written January 2008

Sometimes, when we are living this life, we get confused as to what makes something right and what makes something wrong... as I've mentioned before, pain is always a rod of indication... is the pain incurred to yield restoration or devastation... devastation not to be confused with destruction as destruction can be for the purposes of restoration... pain can result in all of these words. However, pain is not always an indicator of something bad or wrong. Pain, for example results from breaking an arm that did not heal well after it's first break... the purposes of the pain will yield restoration. Cutting one's arm off for stealing yields devastation the purpose is not for restoration... not even to a community... unless you kill that person, that person can steal with the other arm or rob you of your time... thus a thief remains a thief until his/her internal issues are appropriately dealt with in addition to his offenses. This is how we can clearly identify if something pain related is right or wrong. It is difficult to do considering we live in a highly visual world loaded with impressions which promote desensitization. Always research the consequences of any particular pain before inflicting it or judging it, this will change your perception of it's functionality and your accountability to it all together. More importantly, it will sharpen your sense of justice and truth, a balance we should all try to obtain more of. In all, always remember to love yourself unconditionally, beyond your pains, beyond your sorrows...

Next write, I'll share my findings on the effects of internal negative neutralization, something I uncovered while helping others over the years and has been a wonderful growth tool for myself and for them... Love and light to you all!